Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin.
Once, not long ago, in the heart of the bush, near a little village called Bukalo something very important and exciting was going to happen. The day of the annual teaching awards had arrived. Great preparations had been going on all week with Principals missing school to order food and organise agendas, lists, certificates and the like.
All schools were invited and every person who worked in a school had to attend from the institutional workers (cleaners) down to the principals.
The day dawned wet and cloudy following heavy storms in the night. There were puddles everywhere along the unmade roads. In fact if you stood still for too long your feet began sinking slowly in the sand, it was so wet.
It was important to call into your school first just to see if it was still there. The celebrations were due to start at 8am but it was important to be at school by 7am – just in case.
The journey was in a three-car convoy so that all of the staff had lifts. The destination was further down the road by some 20km. The sun was beginning to appear from behind very dark clouds and the puddles were drying rapidly. It was a magical land with long waving grass of different colours and heights – some higher than a man. The trees had many leaves and looked perfect. Small thatched round houses appeared every now and then, organised into small villages. There was no-one walking on the roads, as children were not running to school today. “Hooray!” they cried from the bush as we passed.
Not even the two vultures sitting at the top of the tree turned their long necks as we sped by. Not even the flock of shrieking parrots bothered to look down.
A mingling crowd of people jumped out of cars and all manner of trucks and government vehicles at the venue for the event. Everyone met up with friends and relatives and made their way across the sandy playground to the ‘Dinning Room’ which was the only room large enough for such a large crowd.
Once inside, visitors were shown to their own special place to sit, Principals on the soft red chairs, Heads of Department and special visitors from overseas on the grey chairs to the side and everyone else in the middle of the hall on smaller blue seats. There was a very high table at the front for the speakers and honoured guests. These spaces also had soft red chairs. Before the event began, two of these had to be exchanged for even larger, black leather chairs with wheels and arms which were just the right size for the most honoured guests. Their tables were covered in rich cloth and two urns stood on each end filled with beautiful plastic flowers. Real plants stood on the floor making the whole effect very imposing. A lectern stood at one end ready for the speeches.
For the first hour until fifteen minutes past nine o’clock we waited. Then at last, some action. Orders of Ceremony were distributed followed by printed sheets of school league tables for Grade 10 and Grade 7. “Oh no!" the English results have not been included!” These sheets were hastily collected in again before any one could say Jack Robinson. Within fifteen minutes they were re-distributed by the hard working hand maidens and were exact copies of the first sheets.
Dignitaries began to arrive and take up their places. Everyone was very friendly indeed, with much hand shaking; even a queen arrived all dressed in white robes and head dress and sat among the H.O.Ds because that was her place.
The event was very well organised with a Director of Ceremonies to keep everything on time and in order. As is the custom, everyone rose to sing the National Anthem. Beautiful singing voices filled the hall right to the ceiling in what was to be the highlight of the proceedings. This was followed by all present listening to the Regional Anthem as the words and tune were not well known.
A tall principal was called upon to say the opening prayer, as is the custom. He took a moment to read two relevant passages from the Bible including, “What does the worker gain from his toil?” before saying a prayer to bless the gathering.
Now it so happened that an Inspector, in an important large white suit, perfect for the occasion, addressed the teachers. He spoke very softly (microphones and other new technologies would have ruined the occasion) and advised everyone present, “Call me Uncle Malo” he whispered, “Don’t be afraid of your Uncle”. He told a story of a baby piglet drinking from a small hole in the ground, the mother pig couldn’t drink as her snout was too large for the water hole and when the piglet grew its tusks, it couldn’t drink from the small water hole either.
Just then the fairies arrived with crystal clear water for everyone and the ripping of the plastic wrappers around the bottles could be heard more loudly than the speech.
Following the important inspector it was the turn of the district ‘counsellor’, who had been elected to represent the local people in the elections that were held the previous year.
He began to make a very strong and very motivational speech with some political and serious points which the teachers listened to most carefully. “The purpose of regional elections and the regional council is to become the Spearhead that produces quality learners in our schools.” The teachers leaned forwards in anticipation of praise and encouragement from the regional council representative. This was the awards ceremony after all. He continued, “We need unquestionable commitment. Some teachers are specifically and straightforwardly playing truant.” His strong fingers pointed to the teachers who were sitting open mouthed. “We need to come together. Are we together? The inspector (he pointed to his right) is called upon to eradicate the selling of fish by teachers when they should be in school!” He told how he had had calls to his office from teachers reporting absent colleagues and he encouraged more of this. “Teachers have to perform before being paid.”
In the background and moving very quietly and carefully a portable projector screen arrived and began to be unfurled.
The councillor continued, “Teachers who do not perform, I will have transported far, far away to another region”. He returned to his place quite exhausted. A ripple of polite applause accompanied him.
A fairy godmother from the Teachers’ Union was next to the stage as a small table arrived for a projector. The godmother made some rousing and sympathetic remarks and said she had gifts for all schools in the form of free calendars. A loud cheer was heard all around the hall.
Next the Traditional Authorities Representative rose up to speak. Now this was a very slight, wiry and wise man. He represented chiefs and traditional leaders. He spoke entirely in the first tongue of Sobia but spoke with more strength and authority in his voice than any other speaker. It was easy to understand his version of motivation as all the teachers muttered “yes” from time to time and seemed to be agreeing with his wise words. He spoke with suitable humour and they laughed. He spoke with passion and conviction. He spoke with his hands and his fist and his fingers in a very positive manner. He was truly a wise man. Later, a translator explained, that he had challenged the councillor on what right he had to send bad teachers far, far away so that other small children would suffer. If there were problems in this region, then this region had to sort them out where they were. He was so impressive that the whole hall fell silent, transfixed by his presence. “There is only one chance for education” were his words. He received a warm reception and the negative guests fell silent.
Four strong and young men were specially chosen from the teachers group to creep to the back of the hall during the next speech to move two tables to the front so that breakfast could be served at 11.45am. Lunch was to follow at 1pm, it was announced.
The magic projector was used to show four slides of results statistics for the all the schools in the circuit, ranked from top to bottom. There followed a very short presentation of the Circuit Committee’s Key Actions for future improvement in examinations. Think of these as twinkling comets and you will not be surprised to read familiar gemstone ideas:
Begin extra teaching in the afternoons and complete each syllabus in two terms instead of three The April and August exam papers will be written so as to closely match those that will be set in December so teachers will be able to predict with accuracy failure and success Exams (in Grade 7, 10 and 12) will be centrally marked by specially trained panels so that there can be no cheating. Markers will be given food and a small coin for every paper they will mark. (The crystal did not show whether the markers would miss their classes to mark or work after school hours) The professional dialogue of the examiners’ report for 2010 should be studied by all schools and in order to take proper notice of the recommendations for corrective action There will be external moderation of the Lower Primary (Grade 5) Reading Exams which are internally marked by each school. The school results will be re-assessed and agreed by these moderators. (The crystal did not show whether the markers would miss their classes to mark or work after school hours) Every school should learn secrets of success from high performing schools and emulate their practice The Circuit Management Committee will monitor how the end of year examinations are carried out in each individual schoolFinally the moment of the grand finale arrived – the certificates and trophies were produced. “Aaah!” the teachers cried. “Oh no!” the officials replied. “There are no names on the certificates”, they discovered. There is no place for mockery in a serious, although fictitious fairy tale. However, irony is allowed in the genre. There was hushed discussion about the certificates while officials tried to match unnamed coloured certificates to central lists. Modern technologists had designed certificates with their setting on Letter size but printed on Magical A4, such that all certificates were off-centre, and to a perfectionist, this was almost tantamount to heresy.
All went un-noticed to teachers and Principals who had finished their breakfast discretely (apart from the jarping and shelling of hard-boiled eggs which could not be suppressed) just in time, during the presentation. They were ready to jump up and rush as their school or name was called. Ritual yodelling and dancing broke out as whole schools of teachers stamped and cheered. What a delight at last. Trophies still wrapped in plastic were the greatest prize, with two going to the same school (Highest Results and Best School). That Principal also won the Best Principal certificate, so the prizes were shared round fairly.
A teacher gremlin, who landed on my shoulder, growled, “And what about Grade 1-4 teachers and the cleaners and secretaries? Why are we here?”
All too soon the excitement was over for another year and the final announcements were made. As is the custom, a tall Principal was called upon to say the closing prayer. He took the opportunity to read a passage from Romans, in the New Testament, ‘Re-commit to the submission of the authorities and there is no submission except that which God has established’. He urged all present to have to will to change; to be willing to change.
He finished with this quote, “As Africans we always resist change”.
The story ended thirty minutes after mid-day and everyone was encouraged to just hang around for lunch which was in the back of a ministry truck coming all of the way from the nearest big town. The pixie arrived fast with food for three hundred with only a hundred left to feed on a Friday. Everything ended in a ‘happily ever after’ mood, with food to take home as well. They will probably remember this for a very long time.
